Many Februarys in the past, I went for lunch with a pal and was served a devastating blow.
As I ordered a membership sandwich, I caught her eyeing me nervously. “So, I have some news,” she mentioned in a hesitant tone. There was an agonising suspenseful pause.
“Oh god,” I mentioned. My coronary heart was beating so quick I believed it would leap proper out of my chest cavity. She put her head in her arms as she geared as much as break the information to me. Simply inform me, for the love of god, I believed to myself.
“It’s about Glen,” she mentioned.
“OK,” I mentioned, panicking. This was the person I had been seeing on and off for the previous 9 months. A friend-with-benefits that I would by chance fallen in love with. Not that I’d’ve admitted that on the time.
“He has a girlfriend?” I guessed in a bid to place myself out of my very own distress.
“That’s not all, though,” my pal mentioned.
There was extra. “They’re having a baby,” she mentioned. All of a sudden the restaurant felt unbearably noisy. A wave of warmth handed over my physique and a bizarre rash appeared throughout my chest, my sandwich arrived. I stared at it and tried my finest to not puke.
It was three days earlier than Valentine’s Day and I needed nothing greater than for time to face nonetheless. “Valentine’s Day can absolutely get fucked,” I mentioned the following day to my pal Michelle as I ran on the treadmill and cried concurrently. A feat of human nature, you would possibly say.
I needed to spherical up each silk rose, each tacky card, each cheesy big teddy bear and throw them on an enormous bonfire. In every single place I turned felt like a relentless onslaught of affection, romance, and relationships. Every one among them a reminder of the sting of rejection I used to be feeling. I needed to fake that Valentine’s Day did not exist, however I did not understand how.
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There is a scene in Bridget Jones’ Diary the place she finds out that Daniel Cleaver has a secret fiancée the entire time they have been collectively, and she or he has to go to work and act like nothing’s occurred. She stares blankly at her laptop display screen, tears welling in her eyes. At my job in a theatre press workplace, I spent every week stealthily wiping away tears as they streamed from my eyes.
On Valentine’s Day, a piece pal left a card on my desk. It was a sort gesture that made me really feel cherished. However later, on Instagram, I noticed the Valentine’s Day card that Glen had given to his girlfriend. There was an illustration of a inexperienced olive alongside the road “Olive You.” Ugh, they’re on the pun stage of their romance. It was the longest Feb. 14 I’ve ever lived via.
“Being in a relationship is not a mark of success. Many people in relationships are unhappy. Be proud of being single.”
Over the following few years, that cursed day got here and went. On some years, I used to be nursing a damaged coronary heart from one more horrible courting expertise. Expensive buddies continued with their candy gestures (my finest pal left a pink rose on my desk one yr). Reality is, Valentine’s Day is simply one other day for those who’re not in a state of loved-up bliss. So, why not deal with it as precisely what’s is: simply one other day in February.
I refuse to spend one other Valentine’s Day crying over a horrible olive pun. If you happen to’re nursing the fragments of a damaged coronary heart and are listening to The 1975’s “Somebody Else” on repeat, then do not fret about Feb. 14’s impending arrival. Listed below are some tried and examined strategies for placing two fingers as much as V Day.
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Have fun different varieties of love
Psychologist Dr. Tony Ortega suggests reframing the day “from being a day of romantic love to a day of celebrating any kind of love, like we did when we were children.”
“If you want to celebrate love but don’t have romantic love, grab your friends and do something out of the ordinary to celebrate your friendships,” say Ortega. “This could take the form of a scavenger hunt or perhaps an establishment that serves both liquor but has some entertainment like games or even a drag show.” If you happen to do not fancy going out, you would FaceTime a pal who lives distant and have a long-overdue catch up.
“Being in a relationship is not a mark of success. Many people in relationships are unhappy. Be proud of being single.”
Look upon your heartbreak as a present
It is actually exhausting whenever you’re within the thick of the post-breakup emotional turmoil, however attempt to take a step again and see the larger image. Whether or not the connection was short-term, long-term, a situationship, FWB — there is a motive why it ended. Reframe romantic rejection as a optimistic factor that steers you again onto the best path, and prevents you going too far down the fallacious highway. It is a blessing to have your route corrected. It is higher to be alone than in a nasty relationship with an individual who’s not matching your vitality or feeling the identical method. Your future self will look again and be grateful.
Banish all destructive ideas
Psychosexual and relationship therapist Silva Neves recommends banning the destructive ideas you’ve about your self. “Being in a relationship just isn’t a mark of success. Many individuals in relationships are sad. Be happy with being single,” says Neves.
“Each time you have a negative thought about yourself, breathe in and out deeply and say something nurturing about yourself instead. You will find out that you have many good qualities.” Make a listing of every little thing you want about your self, for those who really feel prefer it.
Do one thing good for your self
The longest relationship of your life is with your self. So, why not spoil your self? Purchase your self the gown you have been eyeing up for weeks. Make a scrumptious meal for your self. Go get a manicure. Deal with your self to a brand new intercourse toy.
Ignore the hype
Valentine’s Day actually is simply another day. So why not deal with it as such? Because it occurs to fall on a Friday this yr, stick with your common Friday routine — be that grabbing a drink within the pub along with your mates, or binge-watching Grace and Frankie in your couch with a takeaway. Keep away from something that’ll remind you what date it’s — keep off social media and switch any calendars round in order that they’re dealing with the wall.
Rachael Lloyd, relationship specialists at eharmony, says “it may sound obvious, but the more you engage in Valentine’s Day, the more you will be impacted.” “Skip over the love stories, avoid your local Pizza Express and keep off social media for the day to limit your exposure.”
Get actually into puzzles
If it is nigh-on unattainable to disregard the truth that it is probably the most cursed day within the calendar, then ramp up your distraction strategies. My finest pal Elisha swears by jigsaw puzzles as a result of, she says, “they require enough of your concentration to prevent you from getting in your head too much, but not so much that you can’t complete the task.” Purchase your self an enormous bag of Doritos, a bottle of rosé, and a 1,000-piece puzzle and it will hold you entertained and, crucially, distracted for hours on finish. Alternatively, you would invite all of your single buddies over to your own home for a video games evening.
issues to do on valentine’s day
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Have some ‘me time’
Relationship and relationship coach Sami Wunder says for those who’re single, Valentine’s Day is the proper day for celebrating your self. “Firstly, don’t let all the hype get to you. Decide that it will be a day for self-love,” says Wunder. “So schedule in some me time. Book yourself a massage, or a manicure, or treat yourself to a nice coffee, or even put on your favourite dress and take yourself out for dinner.”
Neves says if Valentine’s Day is disagreeable for you, “give yourself the permission to be indulgent with whatever floats your boat.” “A long bath maybe? Or have your favourite chocolates. Or put your favourite movies on and a glass of wine?” says Neves.
Maintain busy
If you happen to’ve acquired the break day, one factor that is assured to maintain you very busy is working errands. Go to the fitness center, clear out your fridge, purchase your groceries, do your laundry, iron these garments on the backside of your ironing pile. Briefly, keep busy. On the finish of the day, you may have an enormous sense of accomplishment.
Have intercourse
Individuals in long-term relationships aren’t the one individuals who get to have intercourse on Valentine’s Day. Dr. Ortega suggests calling up your fuck buddy and scheduling a hookup.
“Do you have a friend with benefits you can call on? Instead of celebrating romantic love, celebrate your sexual nature with your FWB,” says Ortega. “Throw away the notion of romantic love and for a period of time, celebrate sexual love.”
If you do not have a FWB, then Neves recommends having an orgasm anyway via solo intercourse (aka masturbation). “And make a commitment to have those on a regular basis, not just on Valentine’s Day,” says Neves.
Go away the nation
Not without end. Simply take a break and get some area from every little thing. If you happen to can afford to, deal with your self to a weekend away someplace good, or take a highway journey to go to a pal you have not seen for ages. A few fortnight after this entire debacle occurred, I made a decision to guide an EasyJet flight to Germany to go to a extremely pretty pal of mine. It did me a world of fine to get away from every little thing and achieve some perspective on the scenario. This yr, I am heading again to Germany to see the exact same pal, and we’ll be celebrating feminine friendship fairly than romantic love.
No matter you do on Feb. 14, do not forget that numerous individuals in long-term relationships could not give a shit about it. It is only a silly day.
This text was first printed in 2019 and republished in 2025.
