Mr. Pants doesn’t have a leg up on the ‘AGT’ competition: ‘Started bad and actually got worse’

Last week, as America’s Got Talent Season 17’s qualifying rounds kicked off, the judges openly, understandably questioned their decision to put novelty act Ben Lapidus — a cheesy singer whose entire shtick was based on his obsession with Parmesan — through to the live shows. This week, as 11 more contestants competed during round two of the qualifiers, main judge Simon Cowell was surely was filled with even more regret, when it was time for the equally one-note Mr. Pants to perform.

But the London-born Simon should have realized all along that this was a mistake. After all, “pants” is British slang for “not very good.” And Mr. Pants was, well, not very good.

Mr. Pants is the “live and unzipped” alter ego of Ryan Dee, a New York City prop comic who tells dad jokes about pants while literally dressed as a giant pair of dad-approved khaki Dockers. (Couldn’t he at least cosplay as a fashionable pair of leather rock-star trousers?) His audition a few weeks ago was good for a few chuckles, but just as Ben Lapidus’s act got old fast when he sang about Parmesan cheese again last Tuesday, this week Mr. Pants wore out his welcome. He didn’t have a leg to stand on. He was slacking.

Sample jokes: “I ran into a shirt backstage. Why is it that shirts are always acting like they’re above me?” “Do these pants make my face look big?” “I’m a family man first. My son is Shorts. His favorite band is the Shins.” “My best friend Roy got drunk on suds, rode the drier on hot, and then he shrunk. Now he’s a corduroy.” “My ex-wife sued the pants off of me. She left me for a pair of overalls because he offered more support.”

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You get the idea. An unamused Simon whacked his red X right around the time that Mr. Pants made a crack about shipping his incorrigible son Shorts off to the Old Navy, and while Mr. Pants ad-libbed by the seat of his pants and just kept going, it was clear that his act was coming apart at the seams. His routine was no funnier than any of the puns I just wrote in these last two paragraphs. Even stripping down to his oversized skivvies didn’t help, although it did inspire his arguably best one-liner of the night: “Now I have even less material!”

“I thought maybe if you came on to the live show, there would be other jokes about other things,” Simon grunted — even though, as Sofia Vergara pointed out, the guy’s stage name is Mr. Pants. “But he’s got to come out as a sock or something — something different,” Simon argued. “In my opinion, it started bad and actually got worse.”

Corny comedian Howie Mandel actually enjoyed Mr. Pants’s “off-the-cuff” act, and fellow judge Heidi Klum even enthusiastically ogled Mr. Pants’s newly exposed knees. But most AGT fans on Twitter agreed with Simon, with one posting: “If I had an X I’d be pushing it for Mr. Pants. Why did you people let him through?”

What drugs are they taking to have put this pants act through to begin with #AGT

— Sherri Sue (@sherri_lp) August 17, 2022

Mr. Pants: Another novelty act that was funny the first time so they put him through, but really has no business being in the lives, let alone winning. There’s only so many pants jokes! #AGT

— ???????????????????????? ℭ???????????????????? (58-59) (@AndrewCollet) August 17, 2022

Mr Pants – I must be a sweater, because I’m over it ????#AGT

— Vladimir Raul (@EmperorMendoza) August 17, 2022

Mr Pants was really bad. Not sure why he made it this far. #AGT

— Jayson (@4symbols78) August 17, 2022

Two qualifying contestants from this round will advance to the Sept. 13 finale, and I think it is safe to assume that Mr. Pants doesn’t have a leg up on his competition this week. I also think it’s unlikely that TikTok-famous “music fairy” Freckled Zelda, singing impressionists the Brown Brothers, stand-up comedian Aiko Tanaka, or pop/soul singer Wyn Starks will get through, although the latter two gave solid performances.

But this was otherwise a strong week, with Simon predicting big things for either Dolly Parton-endorsed country trio (and group Golden Buzzer) Chapel Hart, Argentinian acrobats Duo Rings, or Chicago drum corps the Pack Drumline. Dance troupe Fusion Japan, tween singer (and Howie’s Golden Buzzer) Madison Taylor Baez, and magician Yu Hojin also have a good shot. And in the case of Yu, Simon once again expressed regret over an AGT decision — because he said no to Yu’s audition — proclaiming, “I am officially an idiot” after Yu impressed him this second time around.

It’ll be close, but I’m going to predict the top two, as voted by America, will be Chapel Hart and Yu Hojin. And the bottom two will be… Mr. Pants’s left and right pant-legs. See you Wednesday for the live results.