Two weeks ago, a thrilling, yet innocent announcement hit the gaming world: LEGO and Nintendo would keep up their wonderful partnership by bringing a massive, LEGO-ified Bowser to life. (Legal name: LEGO® The Mighty Bowser BIG BUILD.) At first, it seemed sweet and gave me warm fuzzies. Little did we know, this was an omen of the apocalypse. Big Bowser is here. He’s gonna eat you whole. The dude has graduated from terrorizing Mario, and is now gaming to take us out for constantly destroying his castles.
At this week’s San Diego Comic-Con, LEGO and Nintendo’s Bowser came to life via a whopping 700,000 pieces, complete with actual roaring capabilities, and just an all-around menacing demeanor. When LEGO invited the Esquire Gamer Zone to Comic-Con, we were flattered. We’ve made it. Here’s to some excellent, nerd-based coverage, right? Wrong. So very wrong. Little did we know, we were brought as pigs for slaughter. We were there to satiate a Big Bowser and only for that reason. It checked out. I mean, what have we really added to this world, except for blistering insanity and a total lack of coherency? So, in a way, Big Bowser may be saving you all. Really, a smarter individual would have seen this coming. We were simply the appetizer on Comic-Con’s press preview night. A palette cleanser. The sorbet.
What did it feel like to stand in front of this monster, made of bricks and pure rage? Well, Bowser always struck me as a cute, fun, villain for kids. But standing there, staring at Big Bowser, accepting my demise, I felt differently. Bowser is scary, maybe even cool, but mostly scary. He towered over me, and could end me in one chomp. I’ve been known to give Mario some flak, because he’s a baby, a bad athlete, and an arrogant prick, but now I see the courage it takes from that courageous little plumber. Hell, Mario is shorter than me—I even pride myself on my vertical leap—and I was still scared shitless. Comic-Con attendees who are feeling dangerous this week can swing by Booth 235 and face this menace if they dare. They can even tempt fate and take a picture with Bowser, thanks to an on-site photographer, and maybe even leave with some complimentary Nintendo Reward points. It’s not the first time I looked death in the face for some Nintendo Reward points. I assure you it wont be the last.
This particular Bowser towers at 14 feet tall, which was enough to nearly wreck us. Thankfully, smaller Mighty Bowsers go on sale this October. Even with this grim outlook, and assured world destruction, you know what? In my last moments, I’ll still pick up a LEGO Bowser, if only to feel any fraction of this fear whenever I need to be reminded I’m not as strong as I think.
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